who's the dead man tha..........{silence}

did john breidenthal just walk in? it appears this blog is suffering from the "john breidenthal effect."

My backhand sucks

comments please

A Poor Man's Blue Man Group

I think it's time this blog's contributors banded together in a new way. I believe we're all familiar with the Blue Man Group. I imagine these guys have amassed fortunes thanks to painting their faces, jumping around, and playing the drums. We've clearly got the talent for at least two of these three. Though to my knowledge none of us has a strong background in the percussive arts, I believe with minimal effort we could perfrom passably. We wouldn't even need out and out mastery, just good enough to get by. We'd charge only half-price of the blue men, and attract more of an economically challenged audience. Cletus and company will flock to our shows, considering it a sweet deal to see a comparable product at 50% off. But to avoid licensing issues we'll need to select a different color of facial paint. Violet Man Group. Cadbury Yellow Man Group. Forrest Green Man Group. Think about it. We need something with a suitable ring.

"The show must go on"

The nightly sausage race, a crowd pleasing feature at all Milwaukee Brewers' home games, turned ugly....er amazing.

If you notice in the footage, Pittsburgh Pirates player actually hits the Italian Sausage as it passes the visitors dugout. The force of the blow knocks the Italian Sausage over, taking the Hot Dog down with it. With only a glance back, it became clear that the Bratwurst was going to take this opportunity to take the lead. Being the true sportsman that it is, the Polish Sausage stops to help it's fallen Italian counterpart. After a short struggle, the Hot Dog, Polish Sausage, and Italian Sausage courageously stagger towards to finish line. In an inspiring display of showmanship, and despite the pain and humiliation, the Italian Sausage knew the show must go on.

Celebrity Spotting Prowess

The bone-chilling mug shot of Nick Nolte below inspires me to post about an incredible skill I've developed of late: celebrity spotting. Don't expect me to explain my talent because it defies explanation. I've apparently developed a knack for being in the right place at the right time. I'm just fotruitous, I suppose. For example, just yesterday I saw Tony Dungy driving. I'm pretty sure I could make out his Superbowl ring too. Either that or a class ring from Jostens. Pretty amazing, I'm aware. The only part that I've yet to make sense of is the fact that he was driving a 1987 Chrysler LeBaron. Convertible, yes, but it still seemed like an ill fit for him. The sighting was also in a questionable part of town, wrong side of the tracks, and he was wearing a Kansas City Chiefs jersey. Go figure.

But it doesn't stop there. Last week I definitely saw Liam Neeson at Old Navy. He was stocking up on those cheap flip-flops. White, yellow, navy blue. He must wear them frequently. I didn't approach him or anything. I figure, let the man shop in peace, no need to disturb a celebrity just trying to do a little shopping with his wife (who is startingly obese, by the way). Seems like the rest of the customers shared my opinion. He was virtually ignored.

I'll conclude with the most amazing sighting yet. You remember Ralph Macchio, Daniel Larusso, the karate kid? I know what you're thinking: IMPOSSIBLE! But it's true. About a month ago he was at Taco Bell eating a 99-cent cheesy bean and rice burrito. Naturally I ordered the same thing, thought his diet was somehow linked to his ability to perfrom the crane kick, the one used to summarily dismiss the final contender from the rival Cobra Kai dojo. Long story short, he was sitting in the corner and his back was to me, but I'm positive it was him. His face was obscured by his famous hair, but all I really needed for identification purposes was the hair so it worked out nicely.

I know my streak of sightings may seem dubious, but in defense of its veracity I can only say that I'm as amazed as you are. Needless to say, I'll keep you posted on further developments.

Unnatural Selection

Who would win a fight between a bear and a lion?